Announcement

I am pleased to announce the release of my debut erotic romance fiction Quest For Second Sex. Both its digital and print versions are available from amazon.com. I penned it as Paul Shona. To order a copy, click at the following link. The digital version is available at $5.99 and print at $21.99.

Cover of fiction

Cover of fiction

The digital edition is also available from Draft2Digital.com, nook, kobo, apple, and iBooks.

Fiction’s Blurb

This erotic romance tells the story of a professional young man searching for a beautiful and attractive woman of his dream to satiate his ever-growing and burning lust. His search continues in four cities spread over three continents – South East Asia, Europe, and North America. He sexually engages with women who believed strictly in oral rather than conventional sex before marriage, and with those, virgin and nymphomaniac, who wanted sex without any barriers. Read how he was able to satisfy not only his sexual appetite, but also of all the women of different cultures he bedded for both oral and conventional sex. Read about his secret to bring women to bursting orgasm, so much so, that they would demand more and more … of it. During all such sexual hook-ups, did he ever find his real true love, his dream woman?

Read on …

You are welcome to contact the author at author.writes_as_paul_shona@yahoo.ca, or you can leave comments direct on the author’s page at amazon.com.

Tags Romance, Erotic, Sex, Hookups, Intimate relationship, inter-cultural, Sexual interludes

Does the relationship of ‘opposites’ or ‘likes’ last?

Some say “the opposites attract”, while others say “the likes attract.” Who’s right? The more I think about it, the more complex it gets. Because couplings are not that simple to
divide into two distinct groups. Moreover, traits of persons forming such couplings change over time, i.e., starting with the eventful day that persons initially met or dated. These changes could be caused by several factors including personality traits, social and economic conditions, presence and nurturing of children, demands of jobs or professional occupations held, financial situation, family work-life balances…the list is endless.

In this post, I first define why men and women fall for “the opposites” or “the likes” and then how over time, their once so cherished relationship turns sour to the extent that they can hardly stand each other. The result: the likely dissolution of their relationship. Statistically, more than half of such couplings end up in a divorce, and those not divorced, are likely to live as strangers under the same roof.

The key factor bringing together the opposites
The key factor attracting the opposites is the desire to fulfill one’s void in personality, or desire to have, or compensate for something, one doesn’t have or possess. For example, an introvert may be attracted to an extrovert, a less educated to a higher educated, a poor to a rich, an obese to a slender, someone lacking love finding one full of love, and so on. You get the gist. One is looking into the other something that he/she doesn’t have. The seeker is happy to have met and married the one bestowed with the desired trait(s)a desired. That gives the seeker a feeling of satisfaction or fulfillment – a strong motivation to hookup.

But can they live happily together over the long run? In my opinion, they can’t. Sooner or later, their individual personality traits are likely to re-appear, especially when either’s expectations of the other are not met. For example, a person seeking love may not get the kind of love and affection he/she expected, or poor may not find the rich sharing the affluence with the same enthusiasm, or the extrovert may no longer able accept introvert’s life style. Over time, their relationship may turn tense and sour, resulting in a total loss of communication and domestic harmony. The relationship guru, like Dr. Phil McGraw, would be glad to recommend a professional counselling for such couples.

The key factor bringing together the likes
The key factor here is the commonality of their interests and personality traits. As the saying goes, the like minded meet and interact more as they like one another, want to share time together. They are happy sharing common interest and values. The commonality brings them together, including matrimony. However, as psychologists points out, too much familiarity or commonality breeds contempt too. There may come a point where these people had had enough of each other. As a result, boredom, solence, or mutual nit-picking may evaporate all the once harmony.

Viagra for women – a brief perspective

In August 2015, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) of the United States approved the sale of flibanserin, a pink pill, under the generic name Addyi, to enhance libido of pre-menopausal women. The media hyped it as ‘Viagra for women’. Those concerned about gender inequities were satisfied to see that women now have Viagra to boost their sexual desire like men have been doing since 1998 – when Pfizer began to sell sildenafil, a blue pill, under the trade name ‘Viagra’. Is this gender-specific Viagra going to be effective as it is designed to be?

Let us look at it briefly in this post.

Viagra for men
The drug was introduced as a potential cure for erectile dysfunction (ED) – i.e., a man’s inability to have erection to perform sexually. A good proportion of men in the forties and over lose their ability to have desired erection, as with age, they are more vulnerable to diseases like diabetes, cardiovascular, prostate, kidney/liver ailments, etc. All of such diseases, in turn, constrain the blood flow in their body organs, including penis. What this pill is supposed to do is to improve the blood flow in the nerve chamber of a mans’ penis, fill it up with blood, harden it enough to complete his so-called ‘manly act’. In a way, this magic pill has given males a ‘chemically induced’ power to boost their ‘manhood’, uplifted their egos, and sexual participation and domination. Alas! This euphoria doesn’t last long because the lasting effect of this pill has been limited. Now other pharmaceutical companies are selling similar drugs like Cialis and Levitra with longer lasting effects. Still, this is all ‘chemically induced’ short-term euphoria.

Depending on a man’s age and other physical conditions including how serious the ED issue is, a doctor can prescribe a dose of Viagra anywhere from 25 mg to a maximum of 100 mg. The pill is supposed to be taken four hours before the couple plans to indulge in a sexual interlude.

Like any other drug with side effects, this magic blue pill for men also has its share, including headache, flushing, upset stomach, stuffy or runny nose, dizziness, abnormal vision (such as having a blue colour tinge) – to name a few. Doctors won’t recommend Viagra to those taking any drug containing nitrates, or to those allergic to sildenafil. In the same manner, they recommend to their patient to go to a hospital for emergency treatment if the erection wouldn’t go away after four hours or more.

One of the reasons Viagra for men has been working is because men, by nature, can easily compartmentalize their feelings, emotions, or any distractions prior to sexual indulgence. Once they are determined, excited, or stimulated (chemically or non-chemically) to have sex, and their organ is all up and ready, they are all set to go and complete the act. Worries and distractions may again engulf them right after the act, that’s a different story.

Viagra for women
Women, on the other hand, are unable to compartmentalize their emotions – personal, physiological, and psychological – before sex. They may appear fit physically and be willing to give-in to their partner, but their brain may be on a totally different wave-length. They may be thinking about anything but sex. It could be their inter-personal relationship with their partner, job, children, personal physical looks, ailments, or any other stressful or depressive thought, causing invisible distraction. They don’t need this sort of distraction before sex.

For women, the thoughts of arousal, or desire to make love, always arise first in their brain, which in turn, transmits signals to other organs of their bodies, creating arousal, sensation, or tenseness. It’s well-known that a man mostly gets aroused by visual means whereas a woman by signals of desire transmitted by her brain. Unless a woman is totally relaxed, in full control of her emotions, free of any stress or depression, she can’t fully enjoy sex, climaxing to achieve orgasm. And, there is no pill as yet that can enable a woman to reach that kind of happy, calm, and relaxed position to fully participate and enjoy sex.

Even the current pink pill, or ‘Viagra for women’, is simply meant to increase a woman’s sexual desire and likely to wet her key genital areas. That really doesn’t mean that she is all ready to enjoy sex. She could still be distracted for any reason, which in turn, may leave her dissatisfied and/or unfulfilled.

For those not yet familiar with this new pill, it’s worth mentioning that the FDA approved it after initially rejecting it twice – in 2010 and 2014. Finally, the pharmaceutical company, seeking FDA’s approval to sell this drug, conducted a clinical trial (its technical details are omitted here, but can be found on the FDA’s site) on a sample of 2,400 women, with an average age of 36, and who were suffering from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) – or put simply, a low sexual desire. The results showed that the group taking the drug had experienced slightly more sexual arousal as well as sexual participation than the one on placebo. That was enough to convince the FDA to approve the drug for commercial sale.

A woman is supposed to take a dose of 100 mg of flibanserin (or female Viagra) once daily just before bedtime. She can discontinue it after eight weeks if she finds no improvement in her sexual desire.

While she is on this pill, she shouldn’t consume alcohol.

Some of the most common side effects of this drug include nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, and insomnia.

Last word
Based on what I have read on this drug so far, I believe we are still a long way from creating a magic pill that would make a woman not only just want more sex, but also enjoy it to the best of her ability – to feel its ultimate orgasmic pleasure.

In my opinion, the current pill is a step in the right direction. I am sure the researchers of pharmaceutical companies will eventually find a pill, ideally suited to treat sexual dysfunction of both pre-and-post menopausal women.

Tags: Erectile dysfunction (ED), Sexual desire, Sexual interlude, Slidenafil (Vigra for men), Flibanserin (Viagra for women), Orgasm

Does alcohol enhance sexual performance?

    A few months ago, I was at a social gathering enjoying drinks with my friends. All of a sudden, someone raised a question if alcohol consumption enhanced sexual performance? I looked at my friend, paused, then mentioned that alcohol stimulated sexual desire but it didn’t improve one’s performance. A general discussion ensued, followed by sexual anecdotes.

    One thing was sure. The question raised was not something new. Four hundred years ago, when William Shakespeare wrote Macbeth, he attributed this statement on alcohol consumption to one of his characters – a sly porter – “… it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.”

    Let’s look at both sides of the coin here.

      Alcohol provokes the desire

    Alcohol, consumed in moderation may relax a person, loosening his/her inhibition(s) in a social get-together, initiating new contacts, or conversing on a topic he/she felt uncomfortable about, overcome shyness, or even in bed with a spouse, partner, or with a one-night stand friend, able to discuss the way he/she wants to have a good time or fulfill any sexual fantasy. Here, a moderate alcohol consumption may even act as an aphrodisiac. As one survey in Psychology Today revealed that alcohol consumption “greatly or somewhat improved” sexual enjoyment for 45% of men and 68% of women respondents.

    What do we mean by moderate consumption? A blood alcohol consumption level (BAC) of less than 0.05 for men and 0.04 for women. A 150-lbs man with three drinks within two hours can reach, or even exceed BAC level of 0.05 – depending on his body metabolism, and the type of food he is eating.

      Alcohol takes away the performance

    An excessive consumption of alcohol, on the other hand, not only causes dehydration in the body but also depresses the central nervous system. A person may fall asleep, not a restful sleep but with frequent awakenings, headaches, nightmares, etc. The dehydration, in turn, may cause a drop in blood levels of testosterone – a hormone that ignites male libido. Since major biological activities and functions of a body utilize water molecules (especially its oxygen component), any drop and/or restricted flow of blood caused by dehydration is bad. And, when the circulation of blood is poor in vital genitals of a man and a woman, they are going to be deprived of all the sexual fun. What fun can a man have with his limply or flaccid penis? Or a woman with her dry vagina?

    Also dehydration increases the hormone – angiotensin – that’s associated with erectile dysfunction (ED).

    Some studies have shown that excessive consumption of alcohol (or higher BACs) may delay or prevent men’s ejaculation and women’s ability to reach orgasm; for example, men with BAC of 0.09 may have problem with ejaculation.

    Studies have also shown that men with chronic drinking problem may not only lose testosterone but also gain more estrogen – a female’s hormone. Women, on the other hand, may lose interest in sex, may find it hard to reach orgasm.

      Alcohol affects women more than men

    Because of their lower weight and lesser water content in their body; the latter implies that it takes women longer to dilute or ingest the alcohol’s effect.

      In conclusion:

First, avoid alcohol consumption four to six hours before bedtime.
Second, after two stiff drinks, take the third as a glass of cold/chilled water to dilute the consumed alcohol.
Third, if any sexual interlude is on the agenda for the evening, stick with moderate drinking, or completely abstain; you will be glad you did it.

The contents of this note rely heavily on the following two sources:

1. Petra Zebroff’s article in The Huffington Post, 01/07/2013;
2. Bechtel, Stefan, The Practical Encyclopedia of Sex and Health, Rodale Press, Emmaus, Pennsylvania, 1993.

Tags Sex, Alcohol consumption, Erectile dysfunction, Testosterone, Estrogen, Angiotensin