Does the relationship of ‘opposites’ or ‘likes’ last?

Some say “the opposites attract”, while others say “the likes attract.” Who’s right? The more I think about it, the more complex it gets. Because couplings are not that simple to
divide into two distinct groups. Moreover, traits of persons forming such couplings change over time, i.e., starting with the eventful day that persons initially met or dated. These changes could be caused by several factors including personality traits, social and economic conditions, presence and nurturing of children, demands of jobs or professional occupations held, financial situation, family work-life balances…the list is endless.

In this post, I first define why men and women fall for “the opposites” or “the likes” and then how over time, their once so cherished relationship turns sour to the extent that they can hardly stand each other. The result: the likely dissolution of their relationship. Statistically, more than half of such couplings end up in a divorce, and those not divorced, are likely to live as strangers under the same roof.

The key factor bringing together the opposites
The key factor attracting the opposites is the desire to fulfill one’s void in personality, or desire to have, or compensate for something, one doesn’t have or possess. For example, an introvert may be attracted to an extrovert, a less educated to a higher educated, a poor to a rich, an obese to a slender, someone lacking love finding one full of love, and so on. You get the gist. One is looking into the other something that he/she doesn’t have. The seeker is happy to have met and married the one bestowed with the desired trait(s)a desired. That gives the seeker a feeling of satisfaction or fulfillment – a strong motivation to hookup.

But can they live happily together over the long run? In my opinion, they can’t. Sooner or later, their individual personality traits are likely to re-appear, especially when either’s expectations of the other are not met. For example, a person seeking love may not get the kind of love and affection he/she expected, or poor may not find the rich sharing the affluence with the same enthusiasm, or the extrovert may no longer able accept introvert’s life style. Over time, their relationship may turn tense and sour, resulting in a total loss of communication and domestic harmony. The relationship guru, like Dr. Phil McGraw, would be glad to recommend a professional counselling for such couples.

The key factor bringing together the likes
The key factor here is the commonality of their interests and personality traits. As the saying goes, the like minded meet and interact more as they like one another, want to share time together. They are happy sharing common interest and values. The commonality brings them together, including matrimony. However, as psychologists points out, too much familiarity or commonality breeds contempt too. There may come a point where these people had had enough of each other. As a result, boredom, solence, or mutual nit-picking may evaporate all the once harmony.

Viagra for women – a brief perspective

In August 2015, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) of the United States approved the sale of flibanserin, a pink pill, under the generic name Addyi, to enhance libido of pre-menopausal women. The media hyped it as ‘Viagra for women’. Those concerned about gender inequities were satisfied to see that women now have Viagra to boost their sexual desire like men have been doing since 1998 – when Pfizer began to sell sildenafil, a blue pill, under the trade name ‘Viagra’. Is this gender-specific Viagra going to be effective as it is designed to be?

Let us look at it briefly in this post.

Viagra for men
The drug was introduced as a potential cure for erectile dysfunction (ED) – i.e., a man’s inability to have erection to perform sexually. A good proportion of men in the forties and over lose their ability to have desired erection, as with age, they are more vulnerable to diseases like diabetes, cardiovascular, prostate, kidney/liver ailments, etc. All of such diseases, in turn, constrain the blood flow in their body organs, including penis. What this pill is supposed to do is to improve the blood flow in the nerve chamber of a mans’ penis, fill it up with blood, harden it enough to complete his so-called ‘manly act’. In a way, this magic pill has given males a ‘chemically induced’ power to boost their ‘manhood’, uplifted their egos, and sexual participation and domination. Alas! This euphoria doesn’t last long because the lasting effect of this pill has been limited. Now other pharmaceutical companies are selling similar drugs like Cialis and Levitra with longer lasting effects. Still, this is all ‘chemically induced’ short-term euphoria.

Depending on a man’s age and other physical conditions including how serious the ED issue is, a doctor can prescribe a dose of Viagra anywhere from 25 mg to a maximum of 100 mg. The pill is supposed to be taken four hours before the couple plans to indulge in a sexual interlude.

Like any other drug with side effects, this magic blue pill for men also has its share, including headache, flushing, upset stomach, stuffy or runny nose, dizziness, abnormal vision (such as having a blue colour tinge) – to name a few. Doctors won’t recommend Viagra to those taking any drug containing nitrates, or to those allergic to sildenafil. In the same manner, they recommend to their patient to go to a hospital for emergency treatment if the erection wouldn’t go away after four hours or more.

One of the reasons Viagra for men has been working is because men, by nature, can easily compartmentalize their feelings, emotions, or any distractions prior to sexual indulgence. Once they are determined, excited, or stimulated (chemically or non-chemically) to have sex, and their organ is all up and ready, they are all set to go and complete the act. Worries and distractions may again engulf them right after the act, that’s a different story.

Viagra for women
Women, on the other hand, are unable to compartmentalize their emotions – personal, physiological, and psychological – before sex. They may appear fit physically and be willing to give-in to their partner, but their brain may be on a totally different wave-length. They may be thinking about anything but sex. It could be their inter-personal relationship with their partner, job, children, personal physical looks, ailments, or any other stressful or depressive thought, causing invisible distraction. They don’t need this sort of distraction before sex.

For women, the thoughts of arousal, or desire to make love, always arise first in their brain, which in turn, transmits signals to other organs of their bodies, creating arousal, sensation, or tenseness. It’s well-known that a man mostly gets aroused by visual means whereas a woman by signals of desire transmitted by her brain. Unless a woman is totally relaxed, in full control of her emotions, free of any stress or depression, she can’t fully enjoy sex, climaxing to achieve orgasm. And, there is no pill as yet that can enable a woman to reach that kind of happy, calm, and relaxed position to fully participate and enjoy sex.

Even the current pink pill, or ‘Viagra for women’, is simply meant to increase a woman’s sexual desire and likely to wet her key genital areas. That really doesn’t mean that she is all ready to enjoy sex. She could still be distracted for any reason, which in turn, may leave her dissatisfied and/or unfulfilled.

For those not yet familiar with this new pill, it’s worth mentioning that the FDA approved it after initially rejecting it twice – in 2010 and 2014. Finally, the pharmaceutical company, seeking FDA’s approval to sell this drug, conducted a clinical trial (its technical details are omitted here, but can be found on the FDA’s site) on a sample of 2,400 women, with an average age of 36, and who were suffering from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) – or put simply, a low sexual desire. The results showed that the group taking the drug had experienced slightly more sexual arousal as well as sexual participation than the one on placebo. That was enough to convince the FDA to approve the drug for commercial sale.

A woman is supposed to take a dose of 100 mg of flibanserin (or female Viagra) once daily just before bedtime. She can discontinue it after eight weeks if she finds no improvement in her sexual desire.

While she is on this pill, she shouldn’t consume alcohol.

Some of the most common side effects of this drug include nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, and insomnia.

Last word
Based on what I have read on this drug so far, I believe we are still a long way from creating a magic pill that would make a woman not only just want more sex, but also enjoy it to the best of her ability – to feel its ultimate orgasmic pleasure.

In my opinion, the current pill is a step in the right direction. I am sure the researchers of pharmaceutical companies will eventually find a pill, ideally suited to treat sexual dysfunction of both pre-and-post menopausal women.

Tags: Erectile dysfunction (ED), Sexual desire, Sexual interlude, Slidenafil (Vigra for men), Flibanserin (Viagra for women), Orgasm