Choosing the right partner to marry or live as a common-law or cohabitate is a tough decision for both a man and a woman in their twenties and thirties (the age when a majority marries). An educated man would usually choose a woman he loves and cares for, besides considering, for instance, her education, elegance, health, and social skills, among umpteen other personal traits. Similarly, a woman would choose a man she is in love with over her heels, besides his education, health, current and future earnings potential, and ambition, in addition to several other factors.

Besides looking for these conventional attributes in choosing a potential partner in crime, a man and a woman also look for some vital personal and social traits in a partner that he or she doesn’t possess to lead a more balanced, fulfilled and successful life. For example, an introverted man with his nose in work may be attracted to a partner with better people and social skills to counterbalance his deficient social skills or isolation. On the other hand, a professional woman with no time to run and maintain a home or care for newborn infants may gravitate to a man who is more organized and adept in these tasks to keep their life running smoothly. This fulfillment of one another’s deficiency is what the concept of opposites attracting is all about. A couple in this situation may lead an enriched and harmonious life. This is a win-win situation.

The question is: how long can this win-win situation last? It depends on how the spouses respect one another’s boundaries, interests, ambitions, and other personal norms. If they continue to be mutually supportive and respect each other’s needs, interests, and pursuits, they can continue their journey on a peaceful and flourishing path. However, if and when either spouse begins to exploit, hinder, or obstruct the pursuits and ambitions of the other, the relationship between the spouses suffers and, in extreme situations, may even force them to separate. The bottom line for a lasting win-win situation is how elastic spouses are in letting each other pursue their individual goals.

On the other hand, this concept of the opposites attracting no longer holds during the sunset years. By this time, views of couples, likely empty nesters and retired, are closely convergent, so much so that each begins to think and speak alike. Most persons at this stage of life live alone because they have either lost their spouse, divorced, or separated. The issue of conflict of views doesn’t exist here.

However, when these old singles look for a person, mainly of the opposite sex, as a lasting friend or companion, say through dating apps, the companies match profiles of persons, ensuring their interests, personalities, activities, and needs are as closely compatible as possible. The greater the similarity of profiles, including interests and needs, the better the likelihood of success in bringing together the right persons. Here, any attempt to bring together persons of opposite traits is totally futile.

So, how good and lasting is the adage “The opposites attract”? Based on the above observations, it’s a transitory concept that just holds when people choose their mates. The concept loses its significance after the choice of a mate.

Tags: Opposites attract, Couples, Personal traits, Convergence of views, Dating apps, Matching profiles, Live in harmony.